As fall leaves begin to change and temperatures drop, wedding season is in full swing. And if you’re the lucky bride or groom, writing thank you cards to your guests for the presents you received — and doing so with grace and class — is part of the job.
While not all writers can communicate with the ease and turn of phrase as, say, Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth, they can learn some techniques and phrases to connect with their readers — in this case, the gift giver.
Just as you were thrilled to get their tangible show of love, your generous friend or family member will delight in receiving a prompt thank you note. The following tips will help you deliver the goods. (Mr. Darcy you might not be, but we can all have aspirations!)
Q: Do the bride and groom have to write thank you cards?
Absolutely, says Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. “When it comes to special occasions, especially a wedding,” she says, “a handwritten thank you note is the most appropriate form of gratitude.”
Q: When should you write a thank you card?
Immediately. As soon as you open a gift, write your wedding thank you card. “If your gifts are coming from a registry, it is best to write the thank you as they come in so you are not left with a mountain of thank you notes after your reception,” Gottsman says.
Short on time? Then write it a couple of days after receiving the gift. Most gift givers want to know that their present was safely received by the couple.
“You have a slight grace period for thank you notes if you are having a very large wedding,” she says, “but one to two weeks is optimum to send out your wedding thank you notes.”
Q: Is it ever too late to send a thank you?
“The old adage ‘Better late than never’ applies when it comes to showing gratitude,” Gottsman says. But remember: The guest made you a priority by taking the time to choose, order, and send a gift. They may have even wrapped it and delivered it themselves. Make them a priority in return by letting them know how thankful you are for the present and for having them in your lives.
“If you find that you have overlooked a wedding thank you note and many months have passed, send the card and apologize for your tardy response, but say that you are truly grateful for the generous gift,” she says. And, she adds, always name the specific gift, no matter how late.
Q: Is it OK to thank someone via email or with a phone call or text?
No.
You must write a physical note, but following up with another form of communication is acceptable. “If you run into someone or see them at your reception and have already received the gift, you can say thank you in person, but it does not take the place of a well thought-out thank you note,” Gottsman says.
Q: What should you say in a wedding thank you card?
Thank the gift giver. Mention what you received and how you plan to use it. And, if possible, try to connect the gift to your relationship with the person who gave it.
If you can’t, then tell them how much you appreciate the thought, Gottsman says. “You can mention that it was great seeing them at your wedding and reception if you are sending the thank you after the event,” she adds.
Remember to write from the heart, but also keep in mind that each gift and relationship is unique. “Thanking someone and stating the gift are significant because they mean you are not sending a generic thank you,” Gottsman says.
To elevate gratitude for everyday items you receive, mention the type of coffee you will be using in your coffee maker, or the kind of waffles you will make in your new waffle maker, or how much you will enjoy using your new set of non-stick cookware, Gottsman says.
MORE: 50 Wishes for a Wedding Card
Q: When it comes to cash, should you thank a gift giver for the specific amount?
“Rather than mentioning the amount, it’s better to say ‘Thank you for your very generous gift,’” Gottsman says.
You can either say what you’re going to use the money toward or write something like “Your very kind gift is going to help us purchase some much-needed items (mention the items by name) for our new apartment.”
When it comes to a wedding thank you card, you won’t be judged on what you say, as long as your words are sincere and heartfelt, Gottsman says.
If you still need a little inspiration, here are some examples of thank you notes for specific types of gifts and gift givers. Take notice of the personal details that can give your messages that
Sample Thank You Notes
Significant kitchen appliance from family
Dear Aunt Diane and Uncle John,
Imagine our surprise and delight to receive the stainless steel KitchenAid mixer you sent for our wedding. I will never forget making Di’s famous chocolate chip cookies every Thanksgiving Eve and her famous banana bread she would bring to Christmas dinner. Now we hope to continue the tradition with our own children one day. Thank you so much! You are so dear to our hearts, and we can’t wait to celebrate the beginning of our lives with you!
All our love,
Amanda and Doug
Cash gift from a friend
Dear Jamie,
Thank you so much for the generous gift you sent to celebrate our wedding. We have put it in our honeymoon fund, and we hope to eat at the restaurant you recommended in Cruz Bay. We cannot wait to spend 10 days in paradise! We appreciate so much of your support of us as we prepare to wed, and feel very loved and cared for by you and Frank.
Love,
Shaun and Mar
Monogrammed towels from the college friend group
Dear Melissa,
Words can’t describe how fluffy and cozy the monogrammed towels from our registry are! It was so thoughtful of you all to get us a set of everything we need. Dave and I feel grateful to have a core group of friends from Lehigh who are near and dear to us. We will never forget how amazing it was celebrating our big day with all of you — especially our rendition of “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” ha!
Hugs and kisses,
Amber and David
Personalized bowl from your boss and his wife
Dear Charlie and Margot,
It was such a lovely surprise to receive the gorgeous engraved glass bowl you sent for our wedding. We have already put some mini pumpkins in it for Halloween and placed it as a centerpiece on our dining table. It looks like it was meant to be — just perfect there.
We are so sorry you weren’t able to celebrate with us, but we look forward to finding time to go to dinner when we return from Hawaii.
Many thanks,
Pam and Ken
Flatware from Mom’s second cousin
Dear Martha,
Thank you so much for the lovely place setting you sent me and Carl. We chose the pattern because it reminded us of one we used on our first “formal” dinner date. We cannot wait to host many holidays with it over our lives.
We are so sorry you couldn’t make the big day. All our best to Bill as he recovers from hip surgery.
With love,
Julie and Carl
