Calling all ghouls, goblins, and ghosts: Halloween is just around the coroner, and it’s time to get in the spirit. Whether you’re the ghostest with the mostest or the pun-kin king of this devilish day, stay ahead of the carve by creepin’ it real with some spook-tacular Halloween puns and jokes this frightful season.
From goblin up buckets of candy to rocking a boo-tique costume, Halloween is a time to boogie on down to your local haunt for a frightfully good time. So, send up the bat signal, bring your boo, and celebrate with your fiends for life. Just make sure your jokes are fang-tastic, and your puns don’t suck!
Ghoulishly funny Halloween jokes & puns
Just plain batty
- Why did the vampire use mouthwash? He had bat breath.
- Have you ever been kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck!
- What fruit do vampires love? Neck-tarines.
- Why do vampires like Thanksgiving? They have a lot to be fang-ful for.
- What happens when a vampire gets cold? He gets frostbite.
- How do you get to Transylvania? By scare-plane.
- Vampires never study for tests. They just wing it.
- Vampires make great friends. They always just want to hang out.
- Did you hear about the vampire that fell in love? It was love at first bite.
Where my ghouls at?
- What do ghosts wear when their vision is blurry? Spooktacles.
- What’s the hottest destination for a ghostly vacation? Mali-boo.
- Why did the ghost pick its nose? It had boo-gers.
- Ghosts are terrible liars. You can see right through them.
- Did you hear about the panda ghost? It loves bam-boo.
- Why do ghosts play soccer? They make excellent ghoulies.
- That poor little ghost fell down. It’s fine, though — it just got a boo-boo.
- What was the ghost’s favorite play? “Romeo and Ghouliet.”
- Where do parent ghosts take their baby ghosts? Day scare.
Having a gourd time
- How do you fix a jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
- Why are jack-o-lanterns so scared? They have no guts.
- How do jack-o-lanterns get strong? By pumpkin’ iron.
- Did you hear about the pumpkin beauty queen? She was gourd-eous.
- What’s a pumpkin’s favorite sport? Squash.
- Did you hear about the pumpkin that nearly drowned? It was saved by the life-gourd.
- Why did the pumpkin go to college? It wanted to become more well-rounded.
Let’s go, witches
- What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
- What makeup does a witch put on before going out? Mas-scare-a.
- Did you hear about the twin witches? You couldn’t tell which witch was which.
- Why does a witch escape on a broom? To make a clean getaway.
- Where do witches work? The brewery.
- Did you hear about the witch with road rage? She flew off the broom handle.
- What do witches use in their hair? Scare spray.
- Did you hear about the witch who met her dream man? He loved her, warts and all.\
Bone-jour, jokester
- Why do skeletons play the piano? Because they have no organs.
- Do you know why skeletons are so patient? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- Have you ever seen a skeleton play the trumpet? Of course not — they only play the trom-bone!
- What do you call a skeleton with no feelings? A numb-skull.
- What do skeletons say before they eat? Bone-appetit!
- Why are skeletons so lonely? They have no body to love.
- Skeletons hate working. I guess you could call them lazy bones.
- Did you hear about the skeleton’s favorite bar? It’s a pretty hip joint.
Prepare to snicker
- What is a vampire’s favorite Halloween treat? A sucker.
- What is everyone’s favorite Halloween ice cream treat? A boo-nana split.
- What did the pumpkin say when the kids came trick or treating? “I will gourd this candy with my life!”
- Did you hear about the candy that went to college? It became a real smartie.
- Why don’t skeletons eat Halloween candy? They can’t stomach it.
- What’s a werewolf’s favorite treat? Howl-oween candy.
- What did the candy bar say when the person came to the door at Halloween? “Twix or treat!”
- How do you work off all the candy you eat at Halloween? Exorcise.
Are you my mummy?
- What’s a mummy’s favorite music? Wrap.
- Did you hear about the sick mummy? It couldn’t stop coffin.
- Did you know mummies are extremely selfish? They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
- Mummies don’t eat sandwiches — only wraps.
- Why haven’t you heard any mummies gossip? Because they don’t want to get a bad wrap.
- Why are mummies always taking naps? Because they’re dead tired.
- Why did the mummy go to jail? It was running a pyramid scheme.
- Did you hear about the mummy that got fired? It made a grave mistake.
Monstrous laughs
- Why was the scarecrow dehydrated? He refused to drink until he had a straw.
- What kind of bread do zombies use to make sandwiches? Whole brain.
- You won’t find any zombies in the Army, but there are plenty in the Marine Corpse.
- What’s a scarecrow’s favorite movie? “Children of the Corn.”
- How do werewolves save money when they go shopping? They go to the were-house.
- Werewolves throw the best Halloween parties. They’re always a howling success.
- Which monster is the best dancer? The boogeyman.
- Do you know how zombies get so smart? They eat a lot of brain food.
- Zombies are known for their commitment and hard work. You could say that they’re dead-icated.
- The scarecrow tried to be a comedian, but all his jokes were corny.
- Why didn’t the scarecrow eat his dinner? He was stuffed.
- Zombies always speak in riddles. They’re very crypt-ic.
- What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries.
- Did you hear that cyclops had to give up teaching? He only had one pupil.
- What did one invisible man say to the other? “Long time no see!”
Answer at your own risk
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howl. Howl who? Howl-een!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Creep. Creep who? Creep it down, or you’ll wake the dead!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Spell. Spell who? W-H-O.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Handsome. Handsome who? Handsome candy to me!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hugo. Hugo who? Hugo put your costume on so we can go trick or treating!
The pun-kin king
- Let’s get this party startled!
- The Halloween party was BYOB — bring your own boos!
- Thank gourdness it’s finally Halloween!
- Let’s carve out time for Halloween fun.
- Show me the mummy!
- Witch better have my candy.
- Your costume is so realistic, it’s un-candy!
- Fangs for the memories.
- I don’t have a scare in the world.
- If you’ve got it, haunt it!
- Maybe it’s the boos talking, but you look boo-tiful this Halloween.
- Your skeleton costume is so hip!
- This candy corn is eerie-sistible.
- You are looking brew-tiful tonight.
- Witching you a happy Halloween.
- Time to have some skele-fun!
- If you want to know the future, just read your horror-scope.
- Let’s give ‘em pumpkin to talk about.
- Don’t mind my resting witch face.
- What ghosts around comes around.
